comfortable?

they say that "if you are comfortable then you are not growing." i say that "if you are growing then you may just be in a lot of pain." comfort can be a nice thing. comfort can be as simple as getting my sower drain cleaned out so that i can now use it. or it could be a life that i had come to fight and live for and i even started to love that life that i had. but that is who i was, but not who i am today.
then i was just zac the 'student'. now i am 'pastor' zac. i am the same person. i have the same thoughts, aspirations, even the words that i make up and say. but every thing round me has change. i have not been dunked but immersed in a world that is not the norm to me. the people, the church, the leadership, the town, the responsibilities that are given to me, and my heart. because of every thing that has changed round me i had hoped to be the same person to have the same life.
but lets be really nothing will ever go back to the way it was. not one single thing. you can remember it. you can see pics of it. you can even talk or cry about the way that things use to be, but you will never go back.
i guess what i need to ask is, how do you go on? this is a question that i asked when i left for jamaica and when i came back to the states. when i left for masters commission and now that i have moved on. how do you go on?
what does it take to change your mind? everything has changed. and i am no longer comfortable. i don't know if this is a good thing, but i do know that it hurts a hole lot. i can't wait for time to go by and this place becomes home for me. but the fear is that when it does become home then i may just leave again.
they say that "home is were the heart is?" home to me has been in several differrent countries. in differrent biuldings and not all of them were i laid my head at night. if it is true that 'home is were the heart is.' them i can't wait to get home.
Lord, i can't wait till i can look you in the face and see you smile. i can't wait to water ski with you on the crystal sea. i under stand how i can miss something that is no more. but how can i miss a place that i have never been?
well God, once again i give you my life. i give you everything that i am. everything that is me. i offer all of that to you. what can you do with a broken vessel lord? as the bible says, i am a man of unclean lips. take the cole cleans not just me lips but clean all of me. here i am use me.